Psycho Continued: Norman's Story
by Rafi77
Summary: [Completed!] This is the sequel to Marion's Story, which I recently finished submitting. This is told by Norman's point of view. Please feel free to read and review. I especially recommend this story for Psycho fans, but anyone is welcome to read it.
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the "Psycho" characters mentioned here._**

**_A/N – Dear readers, this is the sequel to Marion's story, this time told by Norman's point of view. Another very special thank you to smithsbabe65 for inspiring me to submit this sequel to the site. I will be updating regularly. Enjoy my new story!_**

**Chapter One – Beyond Help?**

Sunday, August 20th 1961, 1am

It was about one in the morning, when I was lying in bed and looking out of the window next to me at the full moon outside. I always enjoy looking out of the window at night. It relaxes me. It's what Marion taught me to do when I feel scared or nervous, or when I can't get to sleep. And I spend lots of sleepless nights, and I often feel scared or nervous, about thoughts of the past that keep coming back to me, or even thoughts of the present when I look at Marion. I'm not scared of Marion; I would never be scared of her. I'm scared for her. I'm scared that some time, any time really, even right now, I could go back to what I was before. I could go back to being a killer and I could even…I could even kill Marion. I know that I can. But what makes me feel even worse is that Marion knows I can as well. She knows that even though I'm better, even though I can understand what's wrong with me, I'll never be cured. Never completely cured. And yet she still stays with me. I've often told her that she's very brave, when she knows that technically I can kill her at any time. She simply replies that she loves me and that she'll always love me, however ill I am, and she'll continue to help me until I'm completely better.

But the fact is that however much I try, I can never be completely better. I've often urged Marion to leave actually, even though I know that now I can't possibly live without her, without her help and her love. She says that she'll never leave me, that she would never dream of leaving me. To hear that makes me so happy, but it also makes me so sad. What makes me sad is the fact that I can't believe that Marion would do all this for me. Stay here and waste her life in this remote and desolate place, even risk her life, just for me. She still hasn't realised that I can never completely rid myself of my mother, and even though I can think for myself, my mother always thinks for me afterwards. It's like she's giving me a second opinion or something. It usually happens when I'm having second thoughts about something. That's how I always think of it, as having second thoughts. Only they're not really my thoughts, and there will never be only my thoughts that go round and round in my head. It's true, it doesn't happen as much as it used to those days when Marion first met me, but it still happens occasionally. It happens mostly when Marion isn't talking to me, when I can't hear her voice to make my mother's voice go away. Like now, when we go to sleep. I can hear nothing right now, only the sound of Marion breathing softly beside me. And that comforts me, it comforts me a lot, but only when I hear Marion's honey sweet voice, only then can I stop thinking of my mother and just relax. Marion has helped me so much – ever since I saw her, I knew that she would be the person to help me, to make me realise what I had done. Lots of the times now I'm only myself, I don't even hear my mother's voice. But the rest of the time I can't help hearing it, even with Marion there. I've got irritated about it a lot, about the fact that I can never escape from her.

And tonight wasn't any different. As I was still lying awake, I was scared that I'd start hearing her voice again, telling me terrible things, and even telling me to kill Marion, even though I know that I would never do that. Marion told me how to block out Mother's voice from my head. She said that when I do start thinking of her, I should clear my head and just think of nothing, and that would make Mother's voice go away. But that rarely works. Sometimes Marion's presence alone can even make it go away. But not always. Right now as I looked at Marion lying beside me, I tried to concentrate only on the fact that she was there, and not on anything else. That helped a bit. But that wasn't enough. I wanted Marion to talk to me, to tell me that it was all right, and to erase my mother from my mind once again. Was she asleep, I wondered? If she is, I'd better not wake her up. She had such a peaceful look on her face that for a moment I felt a lot better. But that never lasts very long. After that, all these thoughts started to come back to me. I gently squeezed Marion's hand and brought my lips close to her ear. "Marion?" I whispered softly.

"Mmm?" Marion mumbled vaguely and smiled at me, keeping her eyes closed.

"Are you awake?" I whispered again and stroked her hair gently."Yes," Marion said and opened her eyes. "You can speak to me."

Hearing Marion's beautiful voice again made me forget everything that I was about to tell her. And I didn't even want to tell her anything. I simply wanted her to talk to me, to continue talking for a long time, or at least to comfort me.

"Are you all right, my love?" Marion whispered when she saw that I hadn't spoken for a long time. Her face looked concerned when she saw my worried look, and she gently stroked my cheek with the back of her hand. I took her hand and kissed it, holding it tightly. "I'm fine," I said finally, smiling weakly at her. "I just wanted to hear your voice, that's all."

"Have you been thinking of your mother again?" Marion asked worriedly.

I hesitated a little at first, but then I nodded. "Well, a bit," I said apologetically. "I just can't help it, Marion. Every time I've got nothing else to think about, her voice comes back into my head. I can't stop it, no matter what you've told me to do. It just keeps coming back."

Marion didn't say anything, she just looked at me with a pitying look on her face. "Don't look at me like that, Marion. I can't bear it," I said sadly.

"Norman…"

"I want it to stop, you understand that I really do want it to stop but I can't make it stop. I told you that whatever you or anyone else does I'll never be completely better. Do you think I enjoy what happens to me?" I interrupted her kind of angrily.

"I'm sorry," Marion said quickly. "Please don't be angry with me. I'm here to help you, remember? You're always all right all through the day, but at night…"

"During the day you're always there. You're always talking to me, and drowning my mother's voice away. At night you just lie there, and I can't go to sleep, I can't go to sleep without you talking to me or at least trying to take my mind off it. I always hear my mother's voice and I can't bear it."

I was almost in tears by now. I wanted Marion to comfort me, to tell me that I didn't need to worry, even if it wasn't true. I didn't want her to just be like every other person who's ever tried to help me before, every other psychologist I used to talk to years ago, long before Marion even came here, who were expecting me to do all the work myself. No one can help me in that way, not even Marion. I love her with all my heart but I just want her to help me, to understand what I'm going through and to be sympathetic about it. There are times when she is, but other times it seems that she doesn't understand me at all. As I said I've asked her to leave many times, but she won't. I keep telling her that this is never going to work, that I can never have a proper relationship with a woman because she's always in danger around me. But it's partly my fault anyway. When Marion and I first got together I didn't try to stop it even if I knew it wouldn't work. And I did know that this couldn't possibly work, not like this. I always knew that. But Marion says that no matter how dangerous I might be she'll always feel safe when she's with me, but I think she was just saying that to try to make me feel better. But she still insists that it will work, she says that we love each other and that's all that matters. She says that one day I'll be completely better, and she'll never stop helping me and supporting me. I really hope that that's true.

Marion finally spoke again. "I'm sorry, Norman. I really am trying to help you. Even if I don't speak to you, you know that I'm always here, don't you? I'm always taking care of you."

"I know, but…but I just can't stand the fact that you're always so…so brave, and so…so patient with me," I said sadly. "I mean, you know, I've told you a thousand times that it's…it's just not safe to be with me. You helped me realise what I've done, but that's not enough. I can still turn into my mother again at any time. You know that, don't you? And yet you still stay with me. Why, Marion? Don't you want to have a normal life instead of trying to help me make mine normal, when you know that it will never be normal, no matter what you do? It's just the way I am, and no one can change the way a person is, not even you. You've given up your whole life for me, when you know that maybe I'm beyond help any more. I mean, you…you've helped me so much, much more than anyone has ever helped me before and I love you for that, I love you more than anything. But however much help I get, I've realised that it will never be enough to make me better."

"Don't talk that way, Norman," Marion said firmly. "It will be enough, and I'll never stop helping you. I can't possibly leave you now, after all this has happened. Someday, it will be enough. I believe that you can get better, and you have to believe that too. And that's not all. You also have to believe that I can help you to get better. Don't you trust me, Norman? You said yourself that you love me. Don't you believe in me?"

"Of course I do," I insisted eagerly. "I always have. But you must understand, and I'm saying this for your own good, that it might be better for you to leave. Why don't you?"

"Because I care about you, Norman. I love you too much to be able to leave you like that. Why can't you just give me a chance to help you to get better? It's almost as if you want me to leave sometimes," Marion was almost shouting now.

I realised that I had upset her. Marion can get upset very easily, kind of like me. I sighed deeply and put my arms round her. "I'm sorry, Marion. I really do want you to help me; I would never want you to leave. I'll try and believe I can get better, I really will try, but…I'm just not sure. I've never been sure about anything. That's another thing that my mother did to me, making me never be sure of anything at all. But now…the only thing I'm always sure of is the fact that I love you so much and I do want your help, I really do."

Marion calmed down and moved even closer to me. I held on to her tightly, not wanting to let her go, trying not to forget that she was there, not to let my mind wander onto anything else but her presence in the room. We were both silent for a while.

"You should try to go to sleep now, Norman. It's really late," Marion said finally.

"What about you?" I asked her.

"I'll stay awake, and watch over you. Don't worry, I'm used to staying awake at night. Don't worry about anything now. Don't think of your mother, just clear your mind and go to sleep. And don't forget that I'm always here," Marion in a reassuring way.

It was true, Marion stayed awake a lot of the time when I was asleep, to watch over me. Again I felt sort of guilty for not letting her go to sleep, another thing that I've ruined for her. But then I think that maybe it's better this way. It might even be safer for Marion this way. She'll be the one in charge, if I ever wake up and start thinking of my mother again, she'll be able to make it stop. So I closed my eyes and tried to go to sleep.

"Are you still here?" I whispered to Marion.

"Always," Marion whispered back. When I felt her arms round me, I felt safe and loved again. This time I forgot all about my mother, and finally I drifted asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N – This is the next chapter! Hope you enjoy, third one coming very soon. Looking forward to a review of this one. _**

**Chapter Two** - **The Bad Dream**

Same night, 3am

Now, as soon as I fell asleep, I dreamed. That is one of the biggest things that are bothering me, those bad dreams I keep having. That's one of the reasons that I don't like going to sleep at night. Every time I fall asleep, I dream, and it's never a good dream. Well, at least very rarely. A lot of the times I dream of Marion. But nearly all the other times I dream of my mother and of everything she has done to me. I've told Marion about these dreams, but obviously she can do nothing about them. She can't block them out of my head. That's how ill I am, I can't even escape from my mother in my sleep. When I said that I could never get rid of her, I really meant that I would never get rid of her, not for a moment.

This dream was different to the ones I normally had. Usually I had dreams of how my mother had mistreated me. And this one started out like that, but then it got different. I suppose you could say it wasn't as bad as some other ones I've had, but to me it was.

In the dream, I saw that I was standing in a room, my own room as a matter of fact, the one I used to have when I was a child. I was in that room, and on the wall in front of me there was a large square mirror. Mirrors had always bothered me, and not only because of what had happened when I was little, even though that had a big affect on how my image looked when I looked in the mirror.

So in my dream, I was looking inside this mirror, and at first I saw myself, as I normally was. There was nothing unusual about the way I looked. In fact I almost looked happy as I looked in there. But then my reflection was gone, and in its place I saw a series of different images. Images that showed different things that had happened in my life. Not the good things. This only showed the bad things. I saw my mother's boyfriend laughing at me and not stopping, I saw myself at my father's funeral, I even saw my mother hitting me on the head with her big silver hairbrush. She hit me hard and it really hurt. I closed my eyes and tried to block the images out, and indeed when I opened them I found myself looking in the mirror again, and this time it was me again, but this time I saw my reflection as it was when I was a teenager. It must have been around the time when I had killed my mother. But this time that happy look on my face was gone. After seeing all those images, I wasn't happy any more. After a few seconds I heard a cracking sound and the mirror broke to a hundred pieces. Now when I looked in the mirror, I didn't see a whole person. Now what I saw was a broken image of myself. I saw my personality, which had broken into pieces as well. I stared at the mirror.

But then, after a few seconds, the mirror became whole again. For a moment I was relieved, but then I saw that my image in the mirror was not mine. Instead I was looking at my mother's image. She gave me a look of anger, and I gave one back to her. But then afterwards, she looked at me with a cold smile and started to laugh her cold, cruel laugh. She laughed for a long time and I started to get scared. "You'll never get rid of me, Norman," Mother told me in her angry voice. "I'll always be with you. Always."

Then she started to laugh again. I shut my eyes tight and hoped that the image would go away, but it didn't. When I opened my eyes it was still there. I could hear her horrible laugh right inside my head, and I couldn't stop it, not even when I put my hands over my ears. I still heard it just as loudly. Whatever I did, I could not get rid of this image. Every time I closed my eyes and then opened them, hoping that I would see my own image again, Mother was still there, laughing at me.

"No, no, NO!" I shouted and I closed my eyes again and covered my ears, trying once again to block out her voice.

Then I woke up with a gasp. I looked around, and realised that this had all been just a dream. I pulled the bed-sheet up over my head and lay there in the darkness, trying to calm down. My whole body was covered in sweat and I was breathing heavily. I could still hear my mother's laugh echoing in my head, even when I was awake. For a moment I thought that what had happened was real, but then I realised it couldn't have been real. It was a dream, it had to have been a dream. I shook my head gently and took a deep breath. I suddenly remembered that image from my dream with my mother hitting me on the head. I slowly moved my hand up to my head and felt that spot. It still hurt. Even about fifteen years after that, it still hurt. What was that expression I had heard once? Bruises fade but the pain remains the same. I've always hated that expression.

I quickly moved my hand back down and tried to tell myself that it was just a dream and I needed to get it out of my mind, to forget that I ever saw it. But whenever I have a bad dream like this I feel scared for hours afterwards. I glanced at Marion on the other side of the bed. She had fallen fast asleep. I wondered what she was dreaming. She looked so peaceful lying there that for a moment I felt angry, and asked myself why I couldn't be like that, why I couldn't fall asleep and have good dreams, and wake up in bliss just like Marion did? But right then I knew that I needed Marion. Whenever I have a bad dream the good thing is that I know that Marion is always there, there to comfort me, to make all the terrifying thoughts going round and round in my head go away, and to make the scary shadows on the walls of the room look quite ordinary again.

"Marion?" I said rather loudly and shook her gently. "Marion, please wake up. I need you."

Marion opened her eyes slowly. "Hmm?" she mumbled sleepily. "What's wrong, Norman?"

"I had a bad dream," I said to her. She saw that I looked scared so she took me in her arms and stroked my hair.

"Oh Norman," she said sadly. "I'm sorry, I should have been awake. I didn't mean to go to sleep, I was just very tired and…"

"It's all right, I just…you can't do anything about them anyway. I'm sorry I woke you up it was just that…I had the most terrible dream, worse than any of the ones I've ever had and I just…I just…"

I couldn't speak any more. Instead I burst into tears and hugged Marion tightly. I knew that Marion was expecting this. She always does, whenever I have a bad dream. Again I felt guilty for waking Marion up and acting like a child, asking her to comfort me because I had had a bad dream. Marion sometimes treated me like one too, especially when I was upset. But I liked it. It comforted me, and it made me feel like I really was a child again, without a care in the world. But I was never really like that. Even when I was little I always had something to worry about.

Marion cradled my head on her breast and whispered softly in my ear, "Shh. It's all right now, I'm here. Hush, my little angel," she whispered softly and kissed my hair. She slowly rocked my head on her breast. I breathed in her perfume and her warm smell and I felt well again. I wanted to stay wrapped in Marion's arms for the rest of my life and never have to think of my mother or of anything else ever again. "Oh Marion," I sobbed.

"Shh. Don't make my pillow all wet and snotty," Marion said almost jokingly. Then she started whispering softly to me, kissing my hair while she was doing it. "You know, when I was a little girl, I used to share a bed with my sister. And whenever I had a bad dream we always used to snuggle together and feel completely better. You can do that too," Marion said. She was so kind, so helpful. I stayed wrapped in Marion's arms with my head on her warm breast.

"Go back to sleep, my little darling," I heard Marion whisper. "I'm always here. No more bad dreams, all right?"

Pretty soon I stopped crying and went back to sleep again in Marion's arms. This time I really didn't have any more bad dreams. Again I felt happy because of Marion's comfort, but still, one part of me wanted to tell Marion that she shouldn't spend the rest of her life with a sort of wreck like me, and that she should get out of here and get on with her life, and find herself someone normal. Someone who can look after her and do things for her instead of her having the burden of looking after me all the time. The way she's always done. But she says that she loves me and that she's glad to do it. But I'll never be normal. I've tried to be, I've tried over and over again, but I'll never be normal. I love Marion to pieces, but how much longer is she going to be able to tolerate me for?


	3. Chapter 3

_**This is the next chapter! Enjoy!**_

**Chapter Three – The Next Morning**

The next day, 7am

The next morning I woke up early. I didn't have any more bad dreams after I went to sleep the second time, but I knew that the next night those horrifying dreams would probably come back. So now I was practically dreading going to sleep every night. Now in the daytime, everything looked normal to me, but in the night time everything turned creepy and frightening and didn't look normal at all. I had always been scared of the dark but now I was more scared than ever. At least I always had Marion there, to make all the frightening things that appeared in the night go back to normal.

Last night's dream still bothered me. I never forget any of the other bad dreams I have, probably because I can never forget my mother, but they don't bother me all that much the next morning. But this one did. It just made me feel like I'd never be well again; I'd never get rid of my mother just like she had said herself in the dream. Marion always tells me to clear my head before I go to sleep and not think about anything bad, because then I'll have bad dreams on that subject. And I have tried that, every single night, but the dreams still don't stop. I'm not always thinking of my mother, but she's always in my head somewhere, and at night she's always the first thing that comes into my mind.

But this morning I was trying to take my mind off her again. I woke up early and got up, and I saw that Marion had fallen asleep again. Well, I suppose I can't really blame her. She wakes up at night to comfort me as if she were taking care of a baby or something. I decided to let poor Marion sleep for a while more, she must be exhausted from staying up last night. I tried to take my mind off my mother for myself for once. So I just tried to focus on all the good things that were going on in the morning. I listened to the birds singing outside the window, I looked at the sun shining through the glass. I smiled at Marion, still deeply asleep. I wish I could just go to sleep like her, not bothered by any bad dreams or even any dreams at all, and just relax and look as peaceful as she did when she slept. She looked so beautiful, even so early in the morning. Her hair never got messed up while she slept; she always looked perfect lying there. When I wake up earlier than her I always sit on the chair opposite the bed and just stare at her for ages. It helps me to forget my mother and all my bad dreams. The mornings are usually the most relaxing times of the day for me.

But this is not always the case. One thing that makes me nervous in the mornings is when I wake up earlier than Marion, and I can't hear her beautiful voice, she's sleeping and I'm awake. And that always makes me feel like she's not there for me, and my mind always slowly goes back to my mother. And that's when I think, what if I suddenly hear her voice in my head? This does not happen very often any more, but when it does, I'm afraid of what her voice will say to me, of what she will tell me to do. I already said that Marion's always in danger around someone like me.

My relaxed mood was suddenly gone. I glanced back at Marion, still fast asleep, and then back around the room, as if I thought that someone might be hiding somewhere, waiting to jump out at me. And with all these bad dreams that I was having, I often thought that and I often felt very insecure.

I started thinking of my mother again. I remembered her laugh in last night's dream and just thinking about it sent shivers down my spine. Those images from the dream came back to my head and for a moment I thought of waking Marion up for her to comfort me like she did last night, but then I thought, I have to do it by myself this time. I can't always run to poor Marion for comfort, as if I was just a small child. I've done that enough times already.

I started hitting my head against the wall, trying to block the images out, but I couldn't block out my mother's horrible laugh, and the visions of her in front of me couldn't stop even with my eyes closed.

Then I opened my eyes. Then, right at that moment that I opened them, something very strange, something that I hadn't experienced in a long time happened. From somewhere around the room, I don't even know where it was coming from – I heard something that I had not heard for months now, ever since before Marion even arrived. It was my mother's voice, echoing into my head. "Well, well, well," the voice snarled at me, "what's the matter with you? You look surprised to hear from me."

The voice nearly made me jump off my chair. I hadn't heard my mother's voice for nearly a year and now she was speaking to me again, completely out of the blue? I was scared. I hit my head against the wall again, because I knew the voice was coming from my own mind and I had to stop it, Marion had told me how to stop it a thousand times…but this voice continued. And I couldn't stop listening to it. All I could do was sit there and listen to it, not knowing how I could escape from it because wherever I went it would still come with me.

"Don't you recognise me? It's me, your mother," my mother's voice paused and then continued. "And I'm very disappointed in you, Norman."

As she said this, suddenly my own eyes quickly shot back to Marion lying in the bed. "Yes, you know what I mean, don't you?" the voice continued and laughed again. And again I tried to stop it, cupping my hands over my ears, but it still wouldn't stop. And it had to, because if it didn't then Marion was in grave danger. I tried to think of other things, but I couldn't, and the voice was louder and clearer than it ever was.

"You didn't think you'd get rid of me that easily, did you?" Mother's voice laughed her cruel laugh at me. "Don't you know that I'll always be with you? I told you that last night, didn't I?"

I couldn't stand it any longer. Whatever I did I couldn't stop her voice and I had to, before things got any worse than this. I wanted to shout at her to go away, to do anything, but I couldn't even think. All I could do was listen to her.

But then my voice came back to me after a few minutes. "Would you leave me alone, Mother? Would you just leave me alone?" I finally said loudly.

"Not before you do something about her," Mother said to me coldly. My eyes flicked to Marion again. I was so scared for her but I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to stop Mother. There was one part of me that wanted to wake Marion up and warn her, to tell her that she needs to get away from here, but another part of me was frozen to the chair, staring at Marion and unable to do anything else, just listen to Mother's voice, to do what she told me.

"Well? What are you waiting for?" Mother's voice snapped back at me. "You have to kill that little slut. Or do I have to do it myself, because you don't have the guts?"

"She's not a slut, mother! Would you leave me alone? Would you just…" my voice trailed away then. If my mother took over my mind, I wouldn't be able to bear what would happen afterwards. I knew why it was happening. Because I couldn't stop thinking of her. If I could just stop thinking about her, this wouldn't happen. Why did I always have to think about her? Even looking at Marion I couldn't stop Mother's voice. In fact it only got worse. I wanted to go to Marion, to shout at her to help me, and to get me away from this torture, but I couldn't. No, this can't be happening to me again, I thought quickly, it can't possibly happen to me again. Haven't I been punished enough already? But it did happen again, and my mind was slowly shutting down.

"I said get rid of her this instant!" Mother shouted. "Or do I have to do it for you?"

Marion was starting to wake up. She turned to the other side, not even noticing that I wasn't in the bed. The bread knife was lying within perfect reach on the table from last night's dinner. But I didn't do anything. It was Mother who picked it up and slowly walked over to Marion's bedside. I didn't know where my mind was. It was somewhere else, as if Mother had trapped it, and I was unable to do anything, unable to warn Marion. I wanted to tell Marion to watch out, to run away, because I couldn't control myself right now and I most definitely couldn't control my mother. I felt like I was outside my body watching all of this happen and I couldn't do anything about it.

I didn't feel my arm lifting when I saw the knife in the air. But I did see it, I saw it from somewhere else and I saw my mother standing by the bed and her arm slowly lifting it up. I didn't know where I was. I had lost track of my identity.

Right at that moment I heard Marion's voice. At first I heard a faint whisper of "Norman?" as she woke up and at first she didn't realise what was going on. I heard it from somewhere, from that place that I was trapped in. But my mother didn't hear it. She was ready to plunge the knife at Marion and all I could do was watch from this place I was in. Then I heard a scream, Marion's scream, as Mother's knife was about to strike her. I nearly screamed too, I wanted to scream from wherever I was at that moment, to stop this somehow but I was trapped.

At that moment I saw Marion's long left arm reach out and grab the arm holding the knife. That could have been Mother's arm, I thought it was, but somewhere else I knew it wasn't. I knew this was in my head and I had to stop it. As Marion tried to defend herself, the knife just managed to cut her across her shoulder, but she quickly got up off the bed and ran across the room before it had a chance to strike her anywhere else. I was trying to regain my thoughts, my mind when I heard Marion's panicked voice again as she quickly walked backwards towards the hallway, and Mother was following her, always ready to strike. "Norman?" I heard at first. "Norman, can you hear me? Norman, please, wherever you are, it's me, Marion."

The knife went down again. But not fast enough. Marion had tears in her eyes by now as she quickly backed away again and ran down the stairs. "Norman, please!" Marion shouted from down the stairs. "Please don't kill me. It's me, don't you remember me? Mrs Bates? Please put the knife down!"

Hearing Marion's voice for a second time, I started to remember. My mind was slowly starting to go back to where it usually was, back to my body. "Norman, you're not your mother, remember? You're not your mother any more," Marion said again. "Please stop this!"

Then the real me slowly started to come back, to come back from wherever I was. I stood still until my mind was completely back to its normal place. I looked at Marion and then I realised. What had I done? I had just tried to kill the only person I ever loved. And I knew I had done it. I thought I had anyway. But I couldn't have done it. I was somewhere else, trapped while I was watching all of this happen. Mother had done this. She had to have done it. Marion watched me, waiting for what I would do.

I was feeling very dizzy and disorientated, but I was me again. Mother was nowhere to be seen or heard. Marion slowly took the knife from my hand and put it down. I didn't even know how it had ended up in my hand in the first place. "Marion?" I whispered softly. Once my mind was completely working properly again, I couldn't believe that this had happened to me again. It had nearly happened to me some other times, but never like this. Not since Marion arrived. She had helped me. I knew she had helped me. But still…


	4. Chapter 4

_**Enjoy the next chapter:)**_

**Chapter Four – What now?**

Still Sunday, 12pm

"Sit down, Norman," Marion said shakily and slowly led me to the armchair in the next room. She still sounded very scared and I saw that there were tears in her eyes and her arm was bleeding from that cut. I wanted to tell her how sorry I was and beg her not to leave me now, but when I tried to speak no words came out. I suppose there was nothing to say anyway.

Marion sat down on the other side of the room, trying to be as far away from me as possible. I still couldn't get my mind around what had happened. I could have stopped it. There were other times when I did, when I was strong enough to stop it. The first few months I was always able to go back to being myself. Now it seemed like I was getting worse again. Much worse.

I glanced at Marion who was crying and trembling a lot on the other sofa. She had taken Mother's knife from the table and was holding on to it very tightly. She didn't even look at me; she just looked down at her lap and cried. I couldn't bear her not looking at me. What had I done to her? I hated myself, more than I had ever hated myself before, for almost killing her. But then I thought that Mother had done it. Mother had done it, she was still with me and she would do it again. But then I reminded myself that Mother was a part of me. She wasn't a real person any more. And if she was a part of me, shouldn't I be able to control her now? Shouldn't I be able to stop her instead of her controlling me, the way she had always done? Even though she was dead, she was unstoppable. And this wasn't right. She should only be a distant memory by now, not an alive, real person who still controlled me.

I was thinking that I even wanted to kill myself right then, just so I would know, I would be absolutely sure that I would never be able to hurt anyone again. Either that, or locked away for life. Even thinking that, again I couldn't believe that I had tried to kill the only person I had in this world. I couldn't even bear to look at her, shaking and acting in this…this _way_, this way that I've never seen her act before, and knowing that I was the one who had done that to her. It seemed so strange seeing her like this. She was usually so strong, she could handle anything that anyone did to her, but now she looked shaken and weak and afraid.

"You…you're bleeding," I whispered to Marion, noticing the cut on her arm. Luckily the knife hadn't cut very deeply.

"I'm fine," Marion said quietly and simply. The usual tone that she had in her voice was also gone. That sweet, warm way her voice always sounded when she spoke to me was not there when she spoke now. Her voice now had no feeling in it at all. It was simply air. I had done that too. It was my fault, my fault also for not stopping my mother. There was no way I could say that I couldn't help it now, because I could. I had managed to do it a thousand other times, but now my mother had beaten me again. And I couldn't stand that. I wanted to hold Marion tightly to me and beg her forgiveness and promise to her that this was never going to happen again, but there was no point in me doing that. It had already happened now, and neither of us could undo it. Anyway who was I to know that it wouldn't happen again? It could happen again, at any time. That was what scared me the most right then.

"I – I'll bring you something for that cut," I said, only talking for the simple reason of hoping that her voice would turn back to normal if I did. But it didn't. She continued speaking in her new, cold way. "No. I'm fine, really," Marion insisted quickly.

Even when she said that I went into the other room to find her something to tie up her arm with. When I got back I saw that Marion was looking alert and holding the knife tightly in her hand, as if she knew that I was going to try something like that again. I realised that after this had happened, Marion would never be able to trust me again. All this time, she had stayed with me knowing that she was in danger but she still trusted me. She had said that she could only feel safe when she was with me. But now all that had changed. Now everything would be completely different, and all because of me.

I sat down next to Marion who started shivering even more when I was near her. "Here," I said but as soon as I touched her she quickly pulled away from me and took the bandage herself. "Don't touch me," she said and moved right to the other end of the sofa. I watched her tie up her arm, and I wanted to hold her and comfort her so much but I knew I couldn't. It would just make her even worse. I slowly got up and went back to the other sofa. She didn't even want me to touch her. Even sitting next to her made her worse.

"Marion, I…I'm just…sorry," I whispered to her again. It was such a silly, insignificant little word. It didn't mean anything now. But I couldn't think of anything else that I could say in this kind of situation. Marion didn't speak; she simply moved her head slightly. She had managed to calm down a bit now. She had stopped shivering now, but she was still holding the knife near her defensively.

"I just…I mean I'm really…" I started to speak again but I couldn't find anything else to say. The best I could do was to stay silent. Marion looked at me and then quickly looked away again, turning the other way, nearly turning her back to me. I couldn't stand that. If things were going to be like that with Marion and me now, it would be so much better if she would just leave. That would be better for her sake as well as mine. How would I know that I wouldn't try something like this again? It could happen again at any time. She couldn't stay here any more, I had always known that but now I knew it even more. Because I could never change. I had always told Marion that I couldn't, but she wouldn't listen to me, she insisted that I could change and that she had faith in me. She told me that I should have faith in myself and in her, because she could change me. But she just didn't understand that people like me, people with my kind of…problem would never change, no matter how hard people tried to help me, nothing would work.

And now I was afraid that my mother wouldn't leave me alone until Marion was dead. That was what she wanted, she wanted me to kill Marion. And until I did, I couldn't stop her from being in my head. Or could I? I started talking to Marion properly now. I didn't tell her that I was sorry again. That was of no use now. No one could forgive what I had just done to her.

"Listen, Marion," I started off quickly. "I'm not going to tell you that I'm sorry again because obviously that's pointless. Just listen to what I have to say to you now. I don't think that you can imagine that after all I've done I would still ask you to stay with me. I love you so much, and I still desperately want you to stay with me, but I admit that the best thing now would be for you to leave. There's no other way. You can't make me better, I've been trying to tell you that for ages now, however hard you try you can't make me well again, not even with your love. No one can. I've tried to get better before, long before you even came here, but I couldn't. And now it isn't any different. And if…if our relationship is going to be like this from now on, with you always…always trying to protect yourself from me and being in danger like this then the best thing would just be for you to leave forever and forget all about me. I mean…"

"Please don't say anything else, Norman," Marion interrupted me quickly, but she spoke perfectly calmly, and for a moment I thought I could hear her voice turning back to normal again, but it was still cold. The sweetness had completely disappeared from it. Marion continued, sighing heavily. "I know that you obviously mean well for me when you tell me to leave and believe me, I would leave, but I can't. Because you see, the truth is, I still love you. Whatever you have done to me today, I must admit that I still love you more than I've ever loved anyone before, and that love can never go away now. Even if…even if you try to kill me again, I'll still love you. And I just feel like I need to stay here. So I will. I understand what you have told me, I understand that you'll never be well again, and I'm not staying here to try and make you better any more because I know that that is never going to work, you made me realise that by what you did today. So I will stay here. But what I'm going to tell you know is very important. Don't expect everything to be the same as before, because it will never be the same. Maybe after a very long time, things will be OK again. But I just don't know."

Hearing that from Marion, I was even more upset than before. I wanted her to leave even more now. If things were going to be like that between us now, so…so distant and so much less loving than they were before, then that would be so much worse than her leaving me. As I said, however many times I have told her to leave, she won't, and I suppose she's still persisting now, even after everything that I've done to her. I suddenly realised that Marion had always been a very determined and outgoing person who never gave up, and she didn't give up on this either. She would stay, but like she said, things wouldn't be the same. That was the thought that stuck to my mind now.

"But you'll never forgive me for what I did to you now, will you?" I said to Marion sadly. I just couldn't find anything else to say, nothing else was important now.

Marion frowned and shrugged her shoulders gently. "I know you can't help it," Marion said. That surprised me so much when she said that. She had always insisted that I could help it, but now she was agreeing with me, that I would always stay the same. It was like she had changed her way of thinking completely, like she had given up hope that I would ever change, and I hated that. "So, yes, I do forgive you, but like I said, don't expect us to ever be the same," Marion finished off and slightly shrugged her shoulders.

I realised now how big the damage that I had done was. Marion had said that she still loved me, and that was one surprise. But if she really did still love me, then why was she behaving like this? At least if we couldn't go back to the way we were, why couldn't Marion at least be a bit more…a bit more like the way she used to be? If Marion had changed so much, if she had become so distant and strange, and stopped helping me the way she used to, then maybe she would make me change too, maybe she would even make me go back to the way I was before, when I knew nothing about my illness. I hoped and prayed that this would never happen. So perhaps, perhaps if this was the way things were now, maybe I would just have to accept it…


	5. Chapter 5

**_Enjoy:) _**

**Chapter Five – A New Way of Life**

Monday, September the 3rd, 1961

After all this had happened, life became unbearable for me. Marion still lived with me, but we weren't living like we were a couple at all. It was like we were strangers living in the same house. Marion and I ate at the same table, but we barely spoke to each other, we barely even looked at each other. And during the whole day it was that way too. Marion constantly avoided me, and when we walked past each other or saw each other on the stairway, we simply walked past without a word. And if we did talk to each other, it was only to talk about everyday things, like, "Do we need more wood for the fire?" or "What would you like to have for dinner tonight?" And even when we said that, it still didn't sound normal. It sounded strange and distant just like everything else did.

The first day after that incident happened last month, Marion insisted that she sleep in a room of her own. She said that she couldn't sleep in the same room with me any more, let alone the same bed. She said that she didn't feel safe any more, and she didn't want to go through what she had gone through last month, not again. I agreed, because I didn't want to put her in danger again. I knew that I could still turn into my mother at any time, and now I didn't even know how to stop it. Now whenever Marion went to bed, or when she went into the bathroom to take a shower, she always locked the door, and even put a chair in front of it to block it. And I'm also pretty sure that she sleeps with a knife under her pillow. The point is, we barely even acknowledged each other any more and that was what hurt me the most.

Marion had changed completely. She was nothing like the person she was when she first came to my motel. When I first met her, and all the way through to last month, she had always been a strong, cheerful, independent and extremely helpful person. Now, after this had happened, she became extremely cautious everywhere she went, for fear that I would turn into my mother again. She was also always gloomy, and seemed constantly afraid around me. And it was my fault. I had done this to her. Just like she had changed me that one year ago, so I had changed her, but not in a good way. What had happened to the Marion I had always known, the Marion who was ready for anything, and who was always prepared to help me when I was sad or angry or upset? Would that Marion never come back again? Would I never hear her cheerful voice or see her beautiful smile ever again?

She had also completely stopped helping me. She never comforted me when I started thinking of my mother, and now whenever I do start thinking of Mother, I always go out and take a walk out of the motel to clear my head. I try to go as far away from Marion as possible, because I don't want her to go through that horrible ordeal again, I wanted to protect her from Mother. _No_, actually, correct that. I wanted to protect her from myself. I was the one who had done this. But I still felt as if Mother was still alive. She was the one who had the power now.

And so now it seems to me that I have started to think of my mother much more often than I used to. Marion had such a big impact on my life before; I always depended on her to make me stop thinking of my mother and to tell me that everything was all right. I missed that terribly. I also missed her warm embrace and her sweet smell. I missed that every day, and every night. I also especially missed her soft kisses and her gentle caresses, and…and how she was always so gentle with me when we were making love, never demanding and always so romantic. She never showed me what she wanted, what I could do to satisfy her, she just let me do whatever I wanted and she never complained. She always seemed to like it, even if it didn't last as long as she wanted…she used to whisper that she loved me so much, and I used to say that I loved her too, that I always would and I would never ever hurt her…

…But that had all changed now. I would never taste her kisses again, I would never feel her soft skin against mine. All the love, all the trust that I thought we always had between us had gone. Marion would never trust me again. Not only did she not trust me, she was afraid of me. And I couldn't stand it. I couldn't bear living like this any more, like strangers. Because how long would it be before I went back to my old self, before I forgot all about Mother being dead and I let her take over me permanently again? How much longer would we carry on like this? It would be so much less painful for me if she left, or if she at least acted even a tiny bit like she used to, even just a tiny bit would be enough for me. But would that ever happen?


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six – How Much Longer?**

Wednesday, September 16th, 1961

This carried on for weeks longer, with no change. I've suspected, or at least just hoped that Marion was slowly changing back to normal a lot of times, but I'm always wrong, and then I end up even more gloomy than before. I've actually seriously thought about killing myself, not only for Marion's safety but just to end my own suffering once and for all. But then I tell myself to stop being so melodramatic. I had to be strong. I couldn't just give up on life and happiness. But why had life been so unfair to me? Why was I the one who always had to suffer?

I've tried to talk to Marion once or twice, but she never listens to me, she just simply changes the subject. If she doesn't love me any more, why doesn't she just leave? No, as a matter of fact, she's said that she still loves me, but if she does, then she's definitely got a funny way of showing it now. I've even been angry with her a few times, but again she either changes the subject or walks away from me. And I can't stand it any more. I keep telling her and telling her to leave if she wants to, but she says that not only does she still love me, she's got no place else to go now. I think that this has now turned into the main reason why she still stays here.

I also find myself thinking of my mother more and more and often. That incident that had happened that month ago had never happened again, but still, without Marion there to speak to me and to make me feel better, then I can't stop myself thinking of her. I think that might have been the problem when Mother had taken over my mind that time. Marion was asleep, and couldn't talk to me. I couldn't actually know that she was there. I always used to like knowing that Marion was there, to give me comfort and safety like she used to, but now she's never there, and I'm afraid that at any time this could happen again. If this continues for much longer, then I'm convinced that I'll go back to the way I was before Marion arrived. And that would be just awful, not just for me, but for Marion as well. I won't be able to bear it if I do something to hurt Marion and I especially wouldn't be able to bear it if I killed her.

I haven't had a happy day for weeks now, even months. Marion is…she's just somewhere else now. She doesn't communicate with me like she used to. And like I said, if she still loves me then why is she still so distant and strange with me? But still, I couldn't imagine life without her presence, even…even if she'll be like this forever. I've been hoping and wishing that she'll go back to the way she was at sometime, but she never does. Again I hate myself for what I did to her. I know that I have probably scarred her for life by what I did. But I couldn't help it. That's always my excuse. I couldn't help it. Of course I could. But I just wasn't strong enough to. I had let my mother control my actions again. And I should stop it. I have to stop it, or I'll never be able to live a normal life.

Today I've been sitting around and wondering what to do. I know that Marion won't listen to me, but I have to keep trying to talk to her and sort things out with her. I have to make her speak to me so that maybe we can sort something out, because I desperately want her back. I miss her so much. I wonder if she feels the same way as me, I thought to myself? I wonder if she misses me too, if she wishes that we could be like before. She seems gloomy most of the time, and I'm pretty sure I've seen her cry a few times. I can't stand to see Marion cry. In fact I realised that I had never seen her cry before. She's always so strong. Maybe she thinks that I don't want to get back together? But still, whatever she thinks, I have to try and talk to her again.

So I went to find Marion. I had made my decision. We had to fix this once and for all. I thought of walking in her room and talking to her about something casual at first so she wouldn't try to change the subject, and then I would slowly get on to the subject without just going right into it. I looked in Marion's room and found her sitting cross-legged on her bed, fiddling with the bed-sheet and looking gloomy, like she always did these days. When she saw me, she quickly looked away, as if she didn't even want to acknowledge my presence in the room. That made me angry for a minute, like she didn't even want me inside the room, like I was some kind of evil stranger, but then I slowly took a few steps inside.

"Marion, may I come in?" I asked reluctantly.

Marion looked at me and then nodded her head slowly after hesitating a little bit. Now her face looked anxious, like she thought I was going to do something to her. That look on her face almost broke my heart. Why couldn't she trust me like she used to? I would make sure that what had happened would never happen again, I know I would. So why couldn't she trust me?

I sat down on the edge of her bed and waited. Marion fidgeted and moved away a few inches. "The…the weather's been really bad lately, hasn't it?" I started off casually. "We might need to turn on the heating."

Marion nodded in agreement and smiled very slightly. That's another thing Marion never did any more, smiling. To see even just a little smile on her face was all that was needed to make me feel happy for just a moment, a tiny moment that went away like the blink of an eye. But still, that gave me hope and prompted me to carry on speaking. "Listen, Marion," I continued, moving closer to her on the bed. But Marion's anxious face came back and she moved even further from me, which irritated me again.

"I'm not going to do anything to you, Marion," I said kind of angrily. "I promise that I will never hurt you."

Marion waited for a minute. "That's what you said before you tried to kill me, wasn't it?"

That made me even angrier. But I remembered that I wasn't there to argue, just to talk to her, to sort things out. And arguing never sorts anything out. Stay calm, I thought. Don't shout, just talk to her. "I can control myself, Marion," I continued. "You taught me how to, remember?"

"Then why didn't you when you knew that you were turning into your mother?" Marion's cold voice said to me again. "Did you want to kill me, then? Am I such a bad person that I deserve to die?"

"No!" I said loudly. "How could you think that?" Then I sighed and carried on calmly. "I don't know why I didn't stop it," I said finally. I didn't really have anything else to say, because I really didn't know, not really. "I just…I was somewhere else. I wasn't thinking properly. I was too bothered by that dream and I just couldn't stop it."

"Then it could happen again, even now," Marion said and turned the other way. "Just leave me alone."

I waited for a few minutes, trying to keep my temper. I didn't manage very well, though. I was almost shouting at Marion when I talked to her again. "Why can't you just let me talk to you?" I said and got up from the bed. "You've been avoiding me all this time, and we've never talked about it. I think that if we talked about it, we could work something out."

"I don't want to talk about it, don't you understand that, Norman?" Marion shouted back at me, and I could see tears begin to swell in her eyes. "It's too painful for me."

"It's painful for me too, Marion," I said more calmly this time, sitting back down. Marion had buried her face in her lap and she had started to cry now. "Why can't you just let me talk to you? Just for a few minutes?"

"What could you possibly say to me?" Marion whispered. "There is nothing to talk about. What's happened has happened. That's it. It's done."

"Just for a few minutes?" I said to her gently, not trying to agitate her even more. "Please," I said, gently taking her hand, but Marion gasped and pulled her hand away.

"OK, I won't touch you, I promise," I continued. "I just want to talk to you."

Marion waited for a few minutes, and then she wiped her eyes and sat up. "OK. So talk," she said, and looked at me, waiting for me to speak.

I took a deep breath and started talking to her. "Well, I just…" I didn't even know what to say. Marion was right, what could I possibly say to her? I tried to think of something to say. "I was just thinking that…that I can't bear us being like this any more, Marion. I just can't let you carry on like this for the rest of your life. Don't you realise how much you're hurting me with the way you're behaving? I just want us to be the same as before."

Marion sighed and shrugged her shoulders, doing it so casually that it hurt me even more. "I thought we'd already understood each other about that. We can't be the same as before. Didn't I tell you that?"

"Yes, but…at least if we can't be like before, I just…I want you to be the old you again, Marion. If I've hurt you so much then I'm so sorry, but I just…when that happened, you were still asleep, you weren't there for me to hear your voice, and I just…I let my mother take over. And I should have stopped it, I admit that I should have, but I couldn't. I was somewhere else. I just…I really want you to forgive me," I finished off sadly.

Marion waited for a moment before she spoke again. "I do forgive you, Norman," she said simply. "I said I did, didn't I? All I told you is that we couldn't be the same as before. That's all I told you. But I do forgive you," she added quickly. I could tell that her voice was getting a little more like her old voice now. This was clearer than any of the other times. It just seemed to me that this tone that she always had, that sweet tone was coming back. I was so happy to hear her voice like that again that I had to be very careful with what I said to her, so that I wouldn't upset her again, and she would go back to her previous cold voice.

"Marion, I just thought you should know," I started off gently. "You should know that I love you so much and I just…I want you to be the old Marion again, the Marion that was always there for me, because that's the only way you can help me again. I'm sorry for telling you that again, but I just…I just don't want you to avoid me any more. I promise that what happened will never happen again. I just…I know how to stop it, and I'll tell you something else too. When you avoid me like this, when you're so distant and strange with me, then I find that I think of my mother more and more. I need you back so much, Marion. Don't you love me any more?"

Then Marion started crying again. "Of course I still love you," she sobbed. "But I can't be the old Marion again, not now, not after all this has happened. This is the first time in my life that I really don't know what to do. I'm just…I'm so confused. And I can't even leave either because like I said I still love you, I still love you more than anything. But then again, I…I can't live like this any more, constantly in danger. You told me that yourself Norman, and you were right. Who knows when your mother decides to interfere again, and then I'll probably be…I'll probably be dead for sure."

Hearing that from Marion, it made me think that Marion actually thought that I would kill her. That thought shocked me, because I would never kill her. But I had tried to. I had tried to kill her, and that shocked me even more. I had told Marion it would be like this, almost a year ago, and now I suppose she had to believe me.

"No, don't say that, Marion," I said to her sadly. "Please don't talk like that. Nothing will ever happen to you here again, I promise."

"But you…"

"I know. I promised you the same thing last time as well, but this time I know how to stop it," I interrupted her quickly. "Don't you trust me any more?"

"I don't know," Marion shook her head and cried even more. "How can I trust you again now, after all this? It's not so easy, Norman. Don't you understand that?"

I sighed deeply. This wasn't going anywhere, and I couldn't stand seeing Marion crying so much. She was usually such a controlled and together person. "Please don't cry, Marion. I can't bear to see you cry," I said and I tried to put my arms round her but she pushed them away quickly. "Please don't touch me," Marion said and wiped her tears away.

However I tried again. Marion looked at me and started fidgeting as if she was trying to get away, but I held on to her. After a few seconds she let me this time and she slowly put her arms around me. It felt so good to feel her hands on me again, those hands that had comforted me so many times…

I wasn't expecting her to completely trust me from now on, but maybe we could build up our trust again gradually. And how were we going to do that if she didn't even let me touch her, if she didn't let me hold her as she cried? She's done that for me so many times, and the thought that she couldn't even bear to be touched by me really shocked me. Had all our trust completely disappeared by now? And if it had, how long would it take to bring it back?

"Norman, I…" Marion started off but I put a finger to her lips and silenced her.

"Don't speak any more, Marion, please," I told her gently. "There's nothing else that we can say. Just let me hold you."

I saw another tear drip down from Marion's eye but she quickly wiped it away. She seemed nervous but after a while she calmed down. We stayed like that for a long time. I don't know how long it was, but it felt so good to be able to hold Marion again. She didn't seem scared any more. In fact she smiled at me. For the first time in months, she smiled at me again. I was actually overjoyed to see her smile again, and I thought that little by little, maybe sometime we could finally go back to the way we were before. I've been so patient, I've waited for her to snap out of this for weeks, and now I think I deserve some happiness. Just as long as I always know how to stop myself when my mother starts coming back to me again. And I had to be able to do that. I felt I could now. I felt strong and determined to block my mother out of my head, something I had never felt before. If it ever happened again, I would know how to stop it. Even if I had to shout at Mother to go away, I would. But right then I couldn't be bothered to think of that any more. All I cared about was that Marion was acting a little more like she used to, and I was so grateful for that I couldn't think of anything else.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven – Back to Normal?**

Same day, 7:00pm

It was getting dark outside, and Marion and I were still holding each other. I never wanted to let her go, not now that I was hoping that we were almost back to normal. I looked around at the dark room, and then I tried to think. I didn't think of my mother this time. This time I couldn't think of anything else but what was happening at this very moment. Even if Marion wasn't speaking to me, I could still feel that she was there, and I never forgot it. That had never happened before. Before, Marion always had to speak to me to make me feel better. Now I could feel better by just knowing she was there. I never realised how much Marion was helping me, just by being there. I could never feel that before, but now I could. So, was I finally getting better than before, I wondered? Or would all this just go away in a bit of time?

Finally Marion and me let go of each other. Marion smiled again. There were still tears in her eyes, but she seemed much more comfortable being around me than she was just a few hours ago, and I loved seeing her beautiful smile again. Even when her eyes were red and puffy, she still looked beautiful. Marion wiped her tears away and sighed. I was just looking at her, wondering what she was thinking, wondering if she was thinking that she wanted everything to be like before as well. I hoped more than anything that she did. So maybe at first, things would be awkward between us after all this. But slowly, we could build up our trust again, the trust that we had before. But I suppose we could never really have a proper trust, that was something else that I had only just realised. Marion stays with me even though she knows that she is constantly in danger. How could she trust me if she knows that? If I were her, I would be really scared. But Marion is a much more strong and determined person than I am. There's hardly anything that can scare Marion. But still, one thing that just came into my mind, was, how could we have a relationship without trust? That's the main thing in a relationship anyway. But if Marion can live like this, then why can't I?

I felt a tear gathering in my eye and drip down my cheek. I didn't know why. Was I sad, because I thought that our relationship would never be the same, or because our relationship would never really be a good one? Or was I happy because Marion was happy again? I was rather confused at that moment. When I was sad I never knew what to think. But there was still a tear in Marion's eye too. So was she as confused as I was?

Marion looked at me again and then she wiped all her tears away and laughed weakly. "Look at us," she said, smiling at me again.

I laughed too but I didn't want to tell her how confused I was feeling or that I didn't really know what we could do now. Should we just carry on living like this? Or should I ask Marion to leave again? But I knew that she wouldn't leave anyway. She was always so stubborn about that. But still, right now I was just glad that Marion was beginning to act like herself again.

Then Marion's face turned serious again and her smile faded. "I really am sorry, Norman," she said gently. "I didn't mean to be like this these past few weeks. I mean, I know I've been awful, but I just…I was scared…"

"Scared of me?" I interrupted her quickly. I had never imagined that Marion would be scared of me. When I had first met her, I was usually the one who was scared of her! I hoped that given time, the old Marion would come back, and help me like she always used to do.

Marion hesitated when I said this. "I was just scared that…that things between us would never be the same. I know I said myself that we could never be the same, but I was wrong. Anything I said back then, can we please just forget about it? I didn't mean any of it, believe me. I was just afraid that…that you didn't love me any more."

It's strange; it seemed to me that Marion was thinking everything that I was thinking about her. I thought I was the one who thought that Marion didn't love me any more, that she was the one who didn't want everything to be the same as before. I couldn't understand why she had wanted to stay here these past few horrible weeks, until she actually told me that she felt exactly the same way as I did.

Again I took Marion in my arms and held her tightly. "I've always loved you," I whispered to her. "I thought it was you who didn't love me. I mean, you were saying all those things about us never being the same, so I just thought…"

"I'm so sorry, Norman," Marion said again. "I really am, I just wasn't thinking what I was saying before, I was scared and hurt and I was so stupid. I really do want us to be the same as before…"

"Slow down, Marion," I said calmly. "It was my fault anyway. I'm the one who let my mother control me again. I didn't mean what I did all those weeks ago, but I could have stopped it, I really could have. But I didn't and that's why it's my fault. I wasn't strong enough to stop it. But now I am strong and if I ever start thinking of my mother again I will be able to stop it. These past few weeks, when you haven't been talking to me, when you've always been so distant, I've just…I've thought of her more and more, but I have stopped it. You don't have to be scared of me any more. Please believe me when I tell you that this will never happen again. Not if…not if you carry on helping me. I mean…will you?"

Marion smiled her beautiful smile at me again and said, "Of course I'll carry on helping you. I'll always be with you and help you until you get completely better. Don't worry about anything now. I'll always be here."

I was so relieved that everything seemed to be back to normal. Marion had reassured me that she loved me and that she would continue helping me, but the one thing that still bothered me right then was that if I carried on living like this, in this house, then I could never be able to get completely better, even with Marion's help. But I had to trust Marion, and believe that whatever she did, she would help me get better. I just didn't see how she could any more. But right then I stopped thinking about that, and I started thinking about how glad I was that Marion was back to normal and of how much I had missed her all this time, how nice it felt to feel her close to me again. We hadn't made love in more than a month now and I missed it so much…

I put my lips really close to her ear and whispered, "I really have missed you, Marion."

Marion flinched at my whisper and I could tell that she was thinking the same thing. Before I knew it Marion immediately turned towards me and kissed me, pulling me down on the bed on the bed on top of her. Her arms went around my neck and she was feeling my hair between her fingers. We shared a long kiss and my mind shut down again and I couldn't think any more. All I could do was feel now. Our lips parted for a few seconds and she smiled up at me and then she pulled me even closer. I kissed her softly, kissing her soft cheeks and neck, gently pulling her dress of over her shoulders. I had missed the feel of her skin so much and I was filled with desire. I couldn't think of anything else but what was happening right then. "I love you," Marion whispered softly to me. She always whispered it, every time we made love, but this time it sounded better than it had any other time. I gently slid my hands down her back and kissed her again, more passionately than before. Finally I sunk myself inside her and completely surrendered to the moment, thinking of nothing else but what was happening, never wanting this to end.

But it did end in just a few minutes but that didn't matter. It wasn't about how long it lasted, we were both satisfied anyway. We lay quietly for a long time, not speaking, but just enjoying being together. I was just glad that Marion was able to trust me again, even after what had happened. After a few minutes, Marion turned towards me and smiled and kissed my lips gently.

"Does this mean we're back together?" I whispered in her ear.

Marion's smile widened even more. "Of course we're back together," she said confidently. "We never broke up, remember?"

One of the things I love about Marion is that whenever we have an argument she always forgets about the whole thing as soon as we get back together and then she never speaks about it again. It's probably best this way, but this argument was definitely something that needed a bit of talking about afterwards as well.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight – What Now?**

Same evening, eight o'clock

Marion and I were still lying on the bed a half-hour afterwards, thinking about what would happen now. At least I was, but Marion seemed preoccupied with something as well.

"Are you hungry?" Marion asked cheerfully after a few more minutes of silence. Neither of us had eaten anything for a long time, so I nodded in agreement.

"I'll see if I can whip up something for us," Marion said and got up from the bed and put her clothes on. "Marion, wait," I said to her just as she was going out of the door, and then I shrugged my shoulders as if I had nothing to say. "Are things…are things going to be the same as before now? Do you still want to stay here with me?"

Marion's smile faded, and then she sighed and thought about it. But then her smile came back and she spoke in a rather determined manner this time. "No," she said, shaking her head, and for a moment I was scared that she was going to tell me that she wanted to leave me, but luckily she didn't. "Things are not going to be like before. They'll be better."

I looked at her curiously. She sounded so determined but I didn't see how she could make things better the way they were now. "What do you mean?" I asked suspiciously. "How…how are things going to be better?"

"You'll see," Marion said. "I'll think of something, you'll see. Don't worry about anything now. I'll take care of everything," Marion smiled reassuringly, and then she walked out of the door, giving me a reassuring smile.

Her voice sounded so determined that I actually completely trusted her and believed her. I didn't know how she was planning on making things better, but I completely trusted her. So I suppose now I would have to wait and see what Marion had in mind.

Marion and I ate silently after that talk, but I could tell that something was on Marion's mind. And whenever Marion had an idea, no one could get it out of her head. She seemed preoccupied with something, but I couldn't tell what it was. That was another unique thing about Marion. No one could ever tell what she might be thinking. And a lot of times she had some crazy ideas. But what could she be thinking now? She knew that we couldn't carry on living like this, or at least I hoped she did, but what could she possibly have in mind?

Marion finally smiled at me as if she had figured out what she should do. I looked at her nervously, worried that she was going to tell me that she was leaving. "What is it?" I asked Marion finally. "What are you thinking about?"

Marion studied my face and then shook her head. "I'm not thinking about anything," she said simply. "I'll tell you all about it tomorrow."

Whatever Marion had in mind, I wanted to hear more about it. I was sure that she had some idea but I was scared to know what it was. I especially couldn't bear the thought that she might arrange to have me locked up someplace, as if I was completely crazy. And maybe I was. Maybe I was completely crazy and maybe I should be locked up, but I love Marion more than anything and I couldn't bear the thought of being away from her. "Could you at least tell me if we're still going to be together?" I asked her anxiously. "If you're going to leave me then I won't be able to manage without you."

Marion looked at me and then laughed. "Of course we're still going to be together," she said cheerfully. "Whatever gave you the thought that I would leave you after all this? There's no place in the world I'd rather be than here with you. All right?"

I nodded and smiled. "What are we going to do then?" I asked again. "Are we still going to carry on living like this?"

"No," Marion said simply, "we won't. But I'm still considering the possibilities. I'm not helping you very much, I haven't really ever helped you very much, I've realised that…"

"Of course you have," I said quickly. "You've helped me a lot. You know you have. But I've told you before and I'll tell you again now. You can never make me completely better. It's just the way I am, and it will never change, whatever we decide to do or however we decide to live, you can't make me better," I finished off sadly and looked at Marion gloomily.

"Don't talk like that," Marion said again. "You will get better, but we'll just have to try something else. We'll figure that out later. For now, just try to keep your mind on other things and don't think of your mother. Just trust me. I'm going to help you. For real this time."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine – During the Night**

Same night, 12am

That night we made love again. By that night we had both completely forgotten what had happened and were lost in love. I suspected that Marion seemed just a tiny bit scared a couple of times, that what had happened before might repeat itself now. And it might take a long time for that to go away, but I can wait.

I suddenly realised that I had completely forgotten about my mother for a long time now, since Marion and I had got back together. Perhaps this whole ordeal has actually helped me. I hoped so, at least. I really, really hoped so. I used to need Marion to speak to me to take my mind off her. Now I didn't, at least not tonight. Marion simply lay there and didn't speak to me. And I didn't think of anything, not of my mother, not of anything else. I just enjoyed the feel of her body pressed against mine. For the first time in a very long time, I actually felt calm and happy.

Marion turned to face me and smiled. I think she realised what I was thinking too. She gently caressed my chest and kissed my cheek. I loved Marion's gentle touches and I looked at her I just loved her, plainly and simply.

"What are you thinking, my love?" Marion asked me softly.

"I'm thinking of you," I replied, smiling back at her and stroking her hand. "Only of you."

"I'm glad," Marion said and kissed me again. "Do you still think I'm helping you?"

"More than ever. Why don't you kiss me again?" I smiled at her.

Marion kissed me again. "Hmm…again," I mumbled.

She did so again. And again and again. "You seem better to me," Marion said finally.

"I am," I agreed. And I really was. But I feared that it would not last very long. I had felt like this other times too, I had felt a lot better many times, but after a few weeks I always ended up the same as before. But I think Marion had an idea. Something she wouldn't tell me at dinner.

"So," I said again. "What was it you were going to tell me at dinner?"

Marion had closed her eyes and was smiling sleepily at me. "Hmm…I'll tell you tomorrow," she mumbled. "Let's go to sleep now and tomorrow I'll tell you what we're going to do. Until then don't worry."

So I went to sleep holding Marion tightly in my arms. For the first time in months I actually felt…all right. That's just the term I liked to use, all right. Because that was simply what I felt. I felt fine. I had no bad dreams that night. But how long would this last until I went back to my usual self? I was very curious to hear what Marion's idea was, but whatever it was, I hoped it would happen quickly so that we can avoid a repeat of what happened last month. I couldn't bear something like that happening again. Marion would practically have a nervous breakdown. I wanted to protect her from my mother, I wanted to take care of her and I wanted us to have a normal relationship. And maybe this could happen. Maybe it could.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten – The Following Morning**

Thursday, September 17th, 1961

Marion woke up earlier than me the next morning. When I woke up she was sitting by the bed, watching me and smiling. As soon as I opened my eyes and I saw that she was there, I felt safe again and I knew that I wouldn't start thinking of my mother again this morning.

"Did you sleep well, my love?" Marion asked.

I nodded. "Yes," I said truthfully. And it was true. Last night I had slept better than I had slept for months now, not even with a single dream.

"No bad dreams this time?" Marion asked again.

"No," I shook my head and smiled. "Thank you, Marion," I added.

"For what?"

"For giving me the calmest night of my life since…since I don't know when," I said and I got up from the bed. "So," I continued. "Are you going to tell me what you were going to tell me yesterday?"

Marion's smile faded from her face and she gestured at me to sit down again. Marion sat down next to me and sighed. "Norman, I…I really want to help you, I want to help you more than I was helping you before."

"You've always helped me a lot," I said eagerly. "More than anything."

Marion nodded and continued. "I know, but like you said yourself, it's not enough. What I was planning to do though, was…"

I quickly interrupted Marion, a little scared now. "You're not going to…to have me locked up someplace, are you?"

Marion laughed and took my hand. "Of course not. I would never do that. You know that. Anyway, I couldn't stand the thought of being away from you if I did do it."

That relieved me and I calmed down again. "So what is it then?" I asked her curiously.

"Well…listen, Norman, I've been thinking about this a lot these past few days, and I thought that maybe it would be a good idea if…if we moved out of this house," Marion finished off.

I studied Marion's face for a few minutes. She was waiting for what I would say. And I really didn't know what to say. I considered what she had just told me. Move out of the house. That was a big step. On the one hand, I had lived in this house my whole life. The thought of moving out of it, of going to live somewhere else frankly shocked me a little bit. Being away from it would feel...it would feel strange. But then on the other hand, maybe, just maybe it would feel kind of better in a way. It was in this house that my mother had caused me so much unhappiness. It was in this house that I had every single one of my bad memories. Moving out of it could be…it could be better for me, and it would also be better for Marion. We would both be happier. If we moved out of here, Marion didn't necessarily have to be in danger all the time. I could learn to control myself better, and not let my mother take over my mind again. This house let my mother win, let my mother take over me again. But out of it, maybe I could win. Maybe I could finally teach my mother that I could forget her, I really could. I felt strong, and I felt like I could do it. My mother would never control my mind again if we moved out of the house, this time I would control my own mind.

I was looking at Marion for a long time without speaking. Marion carried on quickly. "But, but we don't have to move out if you don't want to," she continued. "I just thought that maybe…maybe it would be better for us. For both of us. I mean, I…I honestly can't believe that I didn't think of it all this time. It might be good. I mean…what do you think, Norman? This is all up to you, you know. This was a suggestion that I will let you decide on."

Marion paused. She looked at me and waited for an answer. I really didn't know what to think any more. I was confused with what I was thinking before. I thought about it again for a minute. "I know it would be better," I said to Marion finally, squeezing her hand tightly. "I really do. And I want to leave from here, believe me. I always have, I realised that when you told me about this. I know that it would be better, much better, but…but I don't know if I'm exactly…exactly ready to leave this house yet. If you don't mind, can I just…just think about it for a little while longer? If that's all right with you."

Marion nodded immediately. "Of course," she said encouragingly. Then she paused and sighed. "I know this is hard for you my love," she said sympathetically. "I know that it might be hard for you to leave this house, but…" Marion paused and then smiled, "but you must understand that whatever we do, I will do it for you. All I want, all I've ever wanted, is just for you to be happy and for…for us to be happy together. You know that, don't you?"

I smiled and took her in my arms. "I know that," I said. "I really do know that. Just…just wait for a few days and I'll tell you what I think. Will you do that for me?"

"Of course," she said again. "Think about it, my darling, and then you can tell me when you're ready. I can wait. I can wait for as long as you want."

"OK," I nodded and smiled again. Marion was being so nice to me. But I had to think about what she had told me. I needed to seriously think about it for Marion's sake as well as mine.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven – Moving out?**

Thursday, September 24th 1961, 10pm

So I did. I thought about it, for a whole week I did nothing but think about it. I was a little bit distant and aloof from Marion all these days, but she understood why. She knew I was thinking about it and that I needed time. I looked at the possibilities again. If we did leave, then it would mean leaving all of this behind. The house, the motel, everything. But still, that's what I should have done years ago. I should have left this house and this motel a long time ago. But now…to actually leave it, what would that feel like?

Marion was expecting me to make this decision. That wasn't something I was used to. When I was a child my mother used to make all my decisions for me. And now when Marion came she made them for me. But now I had to decide on something myself. Marion was expecting an answer from me and I was ready to give it to her. I would leave this house and forget everything that's happened in it. I had made my decision, I would never let my mother win again.

So that night I talked to Marion about it. Marion noticed that I looked thoughtful and she seemed anxious to know what my answer would be. "Have you been thinking about what I told you?" she asked nervously.

I waited and looked at her thoughtfully. "Yes I have," I said simply. "I've thought about it a lot. And…well quite frankly, I think we should do it. I've been thinking about it a lot, Marion, and I've decided it would be completely OK with me. All this time, all I needed was to move on, to move out of here. I've realised that now, but it's just never occurred to me before. But I think…I think it was a brilliant idea, my love. It would help, it really would, and seriously, I…I think I'm ready to leave all of this behind."

Marion looked glad to hear that. She looked up at the ceiling for a few minutes as if she was thinking about it. "Are you sure that this is OK with you?" she asked me, sounding concerned.

"Marion, look at me," I said simply. Marion turned and looked in my eyes. "It is OK with me," I said firmly and smiled. "Trust me. This is one of the best ideas you've ever had. But…where should we go, anyway?" I added because I really hadn't thought about where we would stay after we left here. I couldn't imagine myself living anywhere else but this house, but where could we go now?

Marion thought about it for a moment. "I'll find somewhere," she smiled. "We're going to go far away from here. I'll find us a place in town. Don't worry about it, I'll take care of everything. Leave everything to me. All right?"

I nodded immediately. Whenever Marion makes up her mind about something, no one can get her to change her mind. She told me to leave everything to her, and I trusted her. I trusted her that again she would make everything better for me, like she always has done.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve – Moving Out**

Monday, October 1st, 1961

Surprisingly, after that, everything really happened just as Marion said it would. Marion searched for a new place for us for weeks after we talked about it. I was actually starting to get quite nervous about leaving this house. I had lived here for all of my life and I couldn't imagine what it might be like to leave it. I mentioned this to Marion but she kept telling me the same thing. "It's for the best, Norman," she reassured me all the time. "Don't worry, everything is going to be better from now on, you just wait and see."

I knew she was right, but still, I couldn't help myself being nervous. I knew that even though this place was so full of bad memories, I knew I would still miss it. When you spend your whole life in one place, you get used to living there and nowhere else. I didn't know what life would be like anywhere else. Maybe it would even be a worse life. But what did I know anyway? I would just have to stop worrying and wait and see what kind of life was waiting for me in the outside world. I hadn't had contact with the outside world for so long, and it was just waiting to be discovered. That made me feel a bit more confident.

Anyway, about a month after Marion mentioned this to me, we were ready to move out of the house, and go to a place that was not so deserted and lonely, and start a new life.

Marion and I had found a place in town. All right, so it was not a very large place, but still, it would do for now. Marion seemed excited about moving out of here, but still I couldn't help being nervous. I know I was being paranoid, but I couldn't help it. At first I tried to think about all the good things about it, but then my mind immediately went back to the bad things. I talked to Marion a lot about it. We even almost argued about it a lot of times. "This is all going to work out, Norman," she kept telling me. "You'll see. Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I trust you," I'd tell her. "I'm just not sure any more. I mean what if –"

"Stop what-iffing," she snapped at me. "If I didn't think this was going to be good for us then I wouldn't be doing it, would I? Just relax. Everything's going to be fine from now on."

I hoped she was right. I really, really hoped she was right. But I still had doubts. In fact I almost changed my mind about this whole thing once or twice. One of the bad things about me is that sometimes I always change my mind right at the last minute. But I knew I couldn't change my mind about this. Marion really wanted to do this, and she sounded so certain that this would be good for me that it was difficult not to believe her. There was no way I could back out of this now. I just had to wait and see if the grass would be greener on the other side.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen – The New Place**

Sunday, October 15th, 1961

It felt weird to be walking in a busy street again and seeing faces pass. Faced that looked at me suspiciously, faces that were unfamiliar, faces that I couldn't recognise. Only when I looked at Marion I calmed down again.

That day that we moved in to our new place, I had never been so anxious in all my life. At first I still kept remembering my mother's voice right before we left, shouting at me not to leave her there, and a lot of the times I was almost ready to turn back because I knew that that was where I belonged.

But no. I don't belong there any more. Now I belong with Marion. I've always known it, ever since I met her, that she was the person I would be spending the rest of my life with. Anywhere Marion lived, I could live there as well. That motel was in the past now. I would never see it or my mother ever again. I could handle that. Or at least I hoped I could. I really, really hoped I could.

The first few days that we spent in that new house were all a blur. It felt strange to be here in this place, away from the motel and away from my mother. The place seemed empty, in a way, with none of the familiar things that I saw every day at the motel. It was a place that I knew nothing about, and places that I knew nothing about always made me scared. I simply passed each day mostly staring out of the window and wishing that I had never left the motel, and the rest of the time I was praying that Marion would suggest that we go back to the motel so I could get out of this new, unfamiliar place. Because I didn't like to be in unfamiliar places. I never had, as a matter of fact, ever since I was little. It's just one of the many strange things about me. There was something comforting about being in an environment you know well, seeing the same things every day, doing the same things every day. But then I thought, wasn't that a bit…boring? Didn't I need some excitement in my life as well?

At first I thought that this would not only not make me better, it would also make me worse. I would think of Mother even more often, and Marion would be in even more danger. Marion as well, seemed to be very worried about me those first few days. She even said that she thought that we made a mistake, and that we shouldn't have left. I was about to agree with her, when I remembered that it was Marion's idea that we move here anyway, and I didn't want to upset her by suggesting that we move back. "No, Marion," I said to her every time she said that. "I'm going to do what you want for a change. I'm going to stay here, and learn how to live in a different place. We're staying, don't worry about it."

Marion said again that she only cared about me and what I wanted. We had a lot of arguments about that those first few days, when I kept saying that I was willing to do whatever made her happy as well. Anyway the point is, the first few days here were hell for me. I refused to leave the house at all, because I was so used to living like a hermit and being by myself that I found it very frightening to be around other people as well, people that I knew nothing about. I just wasn't ready to leave the house yet and to face the outside world that I had been separated from for such a long time.

The place we had was small and cheap. Much smaller than the house next to the motel. That was another thing that I was frightened of, it made me claustrophobic. But as I was sitting gloomily one day, I realised that apart from everything I was scared of, there was one very important difference. I never thought of my mother any more. It was true, I had never thought of her since we left the motel. I may be scared of all those other things, but my mother was never in my thoughts any more, she never spoke to me any more and I never felt that urge to just take the first knife I see and rip Marion to pieces. When I had left the motel, I had left my mother there as well. And she would never bother me again, not ever. That's when I realised that maybe if I adjusted to things here, then things wouldn't be so bad. In fact, I almost felt happy for a moment and hope fluttered into my heart, that maybe this was a good idea after all.

That night I talked to Marion about that, I explained that when I thought of my mother now, I wasn't scared of her. She had no control over me any more. That was the first time since we moved here that I actually saw Marion smile. "I told you that it would be good to move here, my love. We did this so that you'd stop thinking about your mother, and it worked. So don't worry. Soon you're going to get used to the way things work here as well. I know that this place isn't much, nothing like your beautiful house, but you'll adjust to living here too, and someday we'll live somewhere better. It won't be that easy, but you will adjust to it. I'll help you. You do trust me, don't you?"

After all the things that Marion had been right about, I couldn't possibly not trust her any more. In fact as I saw her face that looked so reassuring, I felt happier than I had in a long time, happier than when we still lived at the motel. "Of course I trust you," I whispered back to her. "I know I'll get used to things. And also, thank you again for…for helping me more than you've ever helped me before."

I had to admit that, because it was true. She had helped me more than she had before, more than when we got back together after that argument, even more than when she had first come to my motel and made everything so different for me. Marion laughed when she heard this. "I'm flattered to hear that, Norman, really I am." Then she paused and she looked right in my eyes and whispered again, "Don't forget that I love you, Norman, and from now on you're going to be happy. We're both going to be happy, and that's all I've ever wanted."

Then she kissed my cheek and we both went to sleep, and I drifted into a sleep that was free of bad dreams, free of nervous or worried thoughts, and I knew that I could look forward to a good and happy future with Marion. After all, after everything that's happened to me, nothing bad could possibly happen, could it?


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen – A New Life**

Monday, October 25th, 1961

Surprisingly I must say, after that, things pretty much carried on smoothly. It was still a bit awkward the first few days, but soon I got used to the way things were. OK, so I still didn't know how people lived in a place like this, everything was still new to me but soon I started to feel at ease with everything going on.

Soon I even managed to get out of the house. I took lots of walks around to get to know the place, and I must admit, those walks were very relaxing for me, much better than staying indoors. I always liked walking, even when I was still at the motel. It always cleared my head. So pretty soon I was feeling almost happy. And luckily, I never really thought of my mother again. I've had a few more bad dreams sometimes, but now I can get over them very soon. Marion was very pleased with how well I was doing. She didn't have to look after me anywhere near as much as she used to. Before, she used to do everything for me, while now I could be more independent. I don't need to go running to Marion for every little thing. We kept talking about what a good idea it was to live here, because here, away from the motel, my mother has no control over me any more. Maybe, just maybe, I could finally have a normal life.

So today, I was still in my new calm mood, looking out of the window, this time just enjoying the view and not thinking about anything bad. Marion had gone out, saying that she needed a bit of a walk as well. She had been so kind to me, I thought as I stood there. She had been so patient, she was always patient with me, always waiting until I felt better about something, something like this, that needed a bit of getting used to. It was then that I realised how much I needed her and loved her. I'm sure I can never ever love anyone else in this world. I should tell her that, I thought, when she comes back I should tell her that, so that she knows, I want her to be sure that even someone like me can love.

Today I was thinking about the future. I was thinking of mine and Marion's future here in this place, and I was thinking what the future held because no one ever knew. But then I thought, what else could I possibly wish for in the future? I had everything I'd ever wanted. Marion and I were happy living here, we loved each other and that was all that mattered. We didn't need anything else in our lives. What else could we possibly wish for?

A few minutes later my daydreams were suddenly interrupted when I heard Marion coming in through the door. She gave me her usual big smile that she always gave me when she walked through the door. Neither of us said anything at first. Marion smiled again. Then she came over to me and hugged me tightly. I don't usually have to ask the reason. She sometimes does that when she comes through the door. That makes me even happier. And today didn't seem like it was any different. However today she held me for a long time without saying anything until I laughed gently. "Are you OK?" I asked.

She finally let go of me and nodded. "I'm fine," she said. Then there was another minute of silence. "Can I talk to you about something?" we both said that at the same time and then we both laughed. "OK, well you can go first then," I said to her.

"No, no. You go first," she insisted and gestured at me to sit down. We both sat down and there was another minute of silence. Marion fiddled with her fingers and waited for me to speak. She was still smiling. She seemed happy, but a little bit nervous. In fact I'd never seen her in this mood before, this rather strange mood. She looked at me and waited for me to say something. I laughed again and shrugged my shoulders. "Well," I started off. "I don't really have much to say," I said simply. "Except that…well, I've said this before, and I'm going to say it again. If it weren't for your idea of moving here, I would never have changed like this. And that…that from now on you won't need to take care of me. I'll be the one to take care of you, I'm sure of it," I said and Marion nodded and her big smile stayed on her face, and she seemed very happy. Another silence. "Now, what was it you were going to tell me?" I asked quickly.

Marion shrugged and took my hands. Then she sighed and simply asked, "Norman, do you love me?"

I laughed again. "What kind of question is that?"

Marion laughed and her cheeks reddened. Again she seemed a bit too cheerful and upbeat to me, so that it even made me wonder if there was something wrong. But whatever Marion was thinking, I'm sure that it was something good. "Just…just answer the question," Marion said.

"Of course I love you," I said. "Don't you know that by now? I love you more than anything. I'll always love you."

"And…could you ever love anyone else?" Marion continued slowly.

"Of course not," I said gently. "I'd never love anyone else. Except if it was an exact copy of you," I said and smiled.

Marion laughed again and waited, looking around, this time looking a bit uneasy. Then she sighed again and continued. "And you know how much I love you, don't you? I love you more than anything, and I have faith in our relationship."

"I do as well, Marion," I said, hoping to hear something more from her soon.

Marion still looked uneasy, then she continued. "Let's just say, just, hypothetically speaking, that, that something in our relationship was…different. Would you still love me then?"

"How do you mean?" I asked. I was a little confused right now. I didn't know why Marion was asking me this.

"Just, just what you heard," Marion said seriously this time. "If something between us had changed, would you still love me? Please answer me. This is important."

"Of course," I nodded immediately. "Whatever happens between us, I'll always love you. I'll never stop loving you, ever. Don't you trust me?"

"Of course, of course I trust you," Marion said quickly. "And I'm glad to hear that, because it just…it really means a lot to me that you…that you would say that right now, it's just because…"

"What is it?" I said now, looking at her seriously. "Is something wrong?"

"No, no…nothing's wrong at all," Marion said quickly and looked around again. "Everything's…everything's perfect. I just…I hope so," she said that last part almost under her breath so I had to strain my ears to hear.

"Is there something you want to tell me?" I asked again, because I had never seen Marion act like this before. I wanted to know what was on her mind. Was she having second thoughts about this? She couldn't, not now, not when everything was so perfect between us. Marion shrugged and looked around again, never looking in my eyes. "Marion," I said, squeezing her hands even tighter. "Just tell me, whatever it is."

Marion made eye contact with me this time and looked at me straight in the eyes for a long time. "OK," she said, nodding. I could feel her hands trembling slightly as she spoke. But then her face suddenly turned anxious and she looked at me uneasily. "Listen, Norman. I have something really important to tell you. And you have to promise me that you'll listen to what I have to say before you say anything else."

I searched her eyes slowly, looking very confused. "Marion, you're scaring me a little bit," I said. "What is it? Whatever it is you can tell me, of course I'll listen, but…what is it that's so important? Please tell me. I want to know. You haven't changed your mind about me, have you?"

"Oh of course not," Marion said reassuringly. "It's just…it's just something that will have a very big impact on both our lives," Marion said seriously again. "Don't worry, my love, I haven't changed my mind about anything. I love you, don't forget that. I just have something to tell you, and we need to think about it."

"Think about what, Marion?" I said slowly. Marion looked away again. "Marion, look at me," I tried to make eye contact with her again and Marion looked at me and smiled this time. What else could possibly be wrong now, now that we were both so happy? But still, she had reassured me that there was nothing wrong. But what could it possibly be? "Think about what?" I repeated. "If there's nothing wrong, please tell me, my love."

Marion's smile stayed on her face and she bit her lip nervously. "You see, the fact is," she whispered, her voice shaking, but her smile got even bigger and stretched out from ear to ear. "I'm pregnant."


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen – The End**

Monday, September 12th, 1962

That day, the day that Marion told me she was pregnant was most probably the happiest day of my life. At first it just came as such a surprise, that I couldn't speak for ages afterwards. I knew Marion had something to tell me, but I never dreamed it could be this. At first I didn't even want to believe her. I asked her if she was sure and she said she was positive, she had been to the doctor and they had told her. Then I asked a stupid question and asked if the child was mine. Of course she said it was, who else's could it be? At first I was actually completely insensitive.

Then afterwards, I didn't know how to react. How did I feel, did I feel happy, did I feel surprised (I know I definitely felt surprised), or did I feel confused, or even sad? I felt such a big sea of emotions at first that my mind had gone completely blank and I couldn't think anything. The idea of Marion being pregnant was too much to take in at first. Marion and me had never discussed it, not even once. The thought of having children never crossed my mind once, and especially with my kind of condition it was the last thing in the world I would have thought of, and I'm pretty sure it never crossed Marion's mind either. Imagine, someone like me having a child? This was so sudden, so out of the blue at that moment. We weren't even properly settled into our new house, I wasn't even completely emotionally stable yet, at least I thought so, and now we were already having a baby? How could I possibly be able to take care of it?

All those beliefs I had before, of Marion and me being so happy here together and not needing anything else in our lives, had all been changed now. I had made a lot of big steps before, but nothing had prepared me for the big step of being a father. After Marion said this, she held her breath and waiting for what I would say for hours. It was true, I didn't say anything for hours. At first I walked away and thought about it. And I thought about it a lot. The idea of having a baby scared me a lot at first. How could someone like me possibly be able to take care of one? I could barely take care of myself all this time. Children needed love and care and attention, and that was something that I hadn't got any of when I was younger. Could I possibly give something like that to someone else, especially to my own child? Would I be able to love it? I just didn't think I was ready for it, I didn't think I would ever be ready for it as a matter of fact.

But then as I carried on thinking, another thought came into my mind. Of course I would be able to love it. I was capable of loving. I knew I was, because I loved Marion. I loved her more than anything, and that proved that I could love our baby too. What had happened had happened now, and I had to find a way of accepting it. Marion seemed so happy when she told me she was pregnant. I could see it in her eyes. They were so bright and her face was practically glowing. She seemed to really want a baby, she seemed so happy when she had told me. And then I remembered what I had said before. I had said that whatever Marion and I did, we weren't doing it just for me to be happy. We had to do something for her to be happy too. And I knew that Marion would be a great mother. All this time, she had practically been like a mother to me.

That was the thought that stuck to my mind afterwards. That was the thought that I stayed with. The thought that I was more than capable of loving a child. And I would love it; I'd care about it as much as I cared about Marion. But still I did have doubts. Of course it was difficult not to. I had doubts only for the good of our child. That maybe I wasn't cut out to be a father. I thought of the way my mother had mistreated me and I wondered if I would do the same to my child. But then I thought no, how could I possibly do the same if I didn't want to? I would learn. I would adjust to this just as I had adjusted to everything else. It would just take a bit longer, that's all. I would learn to love our baby somehow.

So, after a lot of time thinking about this, I said this to Marion, who had thought that I would be really angry after I went out of the room and stayed there for hours. But how could I possibly be angry about something as wonderful as this? Before I mention anything else about this though, let's go back to that first talk I had with Marion, because I think that needs to be mentioned as well.

After I had got over the initial shock, I went back into the room slowly. Marion was still sitting in the same spot, and she seemed deep in thought, but she also seemed sad. I know she was thinking that maybe it was a mistake to tell me. She would obviously think I wouldn't want this child. At first I wasn't sure I wanted it either, like I mentioned before. But as I also said, that thought, the good thought that I could love a child stuck in my mind afterwards. But Marion was sitting with a very serious look on her face. I saw her sigh and look down at her belly anxiously, holding it almost protectively. When she saw that I came back into the room she quickly looked away and her cheeks reddened again and she shut her eyes tightly, thinking that I was going to shout at her. But it went differently than that. I went and sat down next to Marion with a blank expression on my face. Neither of us said anything but Marion started crying silently. I didn't say anything. I suppose that at first I had nothing to say. I simply took her in my arms and we just sat there and held each other for a long time, just like we had when we got together last time. When we finally spoke it seemed like hours afterwards. At first I had nothing much to say, and I just kept telling Marion that I loved her over and over again and didn't say anything else. I said it over and over again, just so she would be sure, that I would support her even if I wasn't ready.

We looked at each other for a long time. Finally I sighed and managed to speak, "So you're pregnant?" I said simply to Marion. Right then it was still the only thing I could say. I hadn't completely got over the shock.

"Mm-hmm," Marion nodded quietly and looked at me sadly.

"Are you sure?" I continued simply again.

Marion nodded again. "I'm certain. I'm so sorry, Norman. But the truth is I'm pregnant."

I was so surprised with Marion telling me she was sorry. What did she have to be sorry about? "Don't be sorry, Marion," I continued. "You have nothing to be sorry about. I just…I just can't believe this."

"Me neither," Marion said quietly. "I can't believe it either."

"Are you absolutely sure?" I asked again. "Isn't it possible you could have made a mistake, or…"

"Norman, I've been to the doctor. It's definite. We're going to have a baby," Marion said quietly again. I was starting to get over the shock now, but before I could say anything else, Marion spoke again. "I didn't know what to think when I found out either, Norman," she said simply. "I definitely didn't know what you'd think, but I…but I just wanted you to know that I want this baby so much. I know it'll be different, but we'll manage, Norman. I know we will. We'll love this child. I mean…I don't know what you think but I know I will."

I looked at Marion for a long time before I spoke again. "Marion, you should know that…that right now I think that I am capable of loving a child, even if…even if I'm not ready for one yet. The truth is I don't know if I'll ever be ready. This was something I never thought about, ever, about me having a child. But I'm willing to give it a try. For you, I will try. You have to believe that."

Marion gave a tiny smile from the corner of her mouth, but I could tell that she seemed very relieved when I told her that. "Of course I believe you," she started off. Then she paused and sighed. "Sometimes in life you have to take a few chances, Norman," Marion said. "I mean, I know it's not what either of us were expecting right now. The truth is I was completely surprised as well when I found out. We never…we never planned this, we've never mentioned it, not even once. But the truth is I had suspected I was pregnant for a few days now. I was going to tell you last week. But I never mentioned it to you, just because I thought it would be too much of a shock. It was a shock for me too. But like you said, Norman, you are able to love, and I know you can do this. I know it. We can make this work."

I looked at her and didn't say anything else. I tried to open my mouth to say something, but no words came out. Marion sighed and spoke again after a few minutes. "I know you're scared," she said quietly. "I'm scared too. I'm not ready to be a mother either. I'm especially scared about how we can manage to take care of a child. But I want to believe that we can manage. I know this will change our lives, but maybe it will change them for the better."

I still didn't speak, but I nodded silently. "Norman, please say something," Marion said slowly. Her lip was trembling and I could tell she was trying not to cry again.

"There's not really much to say," I said and sighed again. "Except that…well, we can't change what's happened now, and we'll find a way to deal with this too. But I mean…we never talked about it, not even once, I mean this is so sudden and…I just don't know if someone like me would make a very good father. I mean, I keep thinking of…of what a bad mother I had and…"

"Don't think of that," Marion said, shaking her head. "Just forget all about that, please. As long as we both love this child we'll be able to look after it. And…I don't want to go through this whole pregnancy thing on my own. I want you to be there for me, to support me. I hope I'm not asking too much, and please don't tell me that it's my body and you'll respect my decision because that doesn't mean it's only my child, it's our child. It's just as much yours as it is mine," Marion sighed and continued. "But, I just need to ask you something, just so we can get it straight. Do you want this child?"

I thought about this question for a long time before I gave an answer to Marion. And you can obviously imagine that my answer was yes. I did want a child, I knew it would change my life even more, and it would make it even better. That's what Marion had said before and now I trusted her more than anything. "How could you possibly think I don't?" I said after a while. Then for the first time in hours I gave her a big smile. Then I almost laughed and cried at the same time. "It's my child, isn't it? It's our baby. I'll love it as much as I love you. You have to believe me about that, my love."

Marion smiled too and she almost fell into my arms after I told her that. She was almost crying. I didn't find that strange at all. I was almost crying too, because I suddenly felt almost overwhelmingly happy after that, after we had talked about it. Marion slowly let go of me after a very long time, again it seemed like hours. She laughed gently again and smiled happily. After a few minutes of looking at each other silently, I slowly put my hand on Marion's belly and looked at it for a minute. Marion's look softened even more. She took my hand and held it there for a long time. Then she looked where I was looking too and smiled again. "We love you," she whispered to the baby that was inside. And it was true. We did love it, we always would. After Marion said that she almost cried as well. "I can't believe it, I'm actually pregnant!" she said happily. "Norman, I'm pregnant!" she laughed. Then we both laughed and hugged again. "Yes," I added. "We're actually having a baby."

Afterwards we talked about it for ages, about what life with a baby would be like. We would both adjust to it. Marion said that she needed to adjust to it too, she had no experience either. But after all, this was a big thing to adjust to, a huge thing.

Anyway, to skip all the rest of the talks that we had, I'm just going to say that I loved watching Marion's belly grow as time went by. I knew that inside was the thing that I would love more than anything from now on. We were so happy throughout the rest of her pregnancy. We couldn't wait to become parents. Once or twice I even put my hand on Marion's bump and felt the baby kicking. And the feeling I got from that was the most wonderful feeling in the world. I knew that this was my baby. The baby that I would love and care for. Our baby. One evening when Marion was about five months pregnant we were sitting on the sofa together and I put my head right next to Marion's belly and felt the baby moving. Marion stroked my hair and whispered, "That's our baby, my love," she said. "Our beautiful baby," she added softly. I kept my head there and whispered back, "Yes," softly. "The baby we'll love."

"What are we going to name it?" Marion asked.

I didn't care what we were going to name it, or even if it was a boy or a girl. It was just going to be our baby, and that's all I wanted. "Let's leave that for later," I said to Marion. "Let's just enjoy our beautiful baby first."

So, as time passed, I'm just going to get straight to say that afterwards Marion and me had a girl. Born on June the 7th 1962, at 12pm. That was the information that I would remember for the rest of my life. As soon as I saw our daughter, I realised how much I loved her. She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen in my life in my eyes, I'm sure both Marion and me thought so. Of course she was. She was our daughter. I could barely believe it when I saw her. I thought, "Wow. I helped create such a beautiful child and bring it into the world. This is what I created. My daughter." I was practically mesmerised. I was actually a dad.

"Our daughter," Marion said when we first saw her. She had tears in her eyes. There were tears in my eyes too. When I first looked at my beautiful baby, no, correction, our beautiful baby, I felt an overwhelming happiness that I can never describe in words. It was just bliss. And when I first held her in my arms I immediately knew how much I loved her. Our daughter had my dark eyes, but her lovely blonde hair was clearly Marion's.

Again, I'm not going to lie and I will admit that in the first few weeks when we took our daughter home I wasn't quite sure how to react to our new baby. I wasn't used to this at all. But as I said, as soon as I saw our daughter I knew that I loved her. I loved her more than anything in the world. And that made me confident, and I was able to look after her. Apart from not being used to it, I thought our baby was the most beautiful sight in the world. Anyway, after I had started to get used to this, I had pretty much stopped being worried about not being able to look after a child properly. All the love and care that I had not been given when I was young, I felt that I was able to give to our daughter. I loved her more than anything. I helped rock her and sing her to sleep and when I held her in my arms I felt just like when I first saw her. Overwhelmingly happy.

Surprisingly, Marion and I did get used to something like this as well. I'm sure that we both loved being a family. It just took a bit longer than we had taken to get used to other things, because this was a bigger subject, a much bigger subject. But we both loved our baby, and that was what mattered. There was nothing in the world that was more powerful than love, and I think I can safely say that our daughter will have no problems growing up. Since we both loved her so much, looking after her was almost…almost easy. It was just one of those things that came naturally, let's say. In fact, I can also say that we looked after her more than the average parent would. So, finally, we all got our happy ending too. Just me, Marion, and our daughter, who, we finally decided to name Janet. She's now one year and three months old. She's so beautiful and full of life.

And about my mother, you might be wondering? Well, she's in the past now. She's something out of the distant past that I will never remember again, something that I can look back on and just laugh. I have my own family now. I feel that I am able to take love my family just as much as I was able to get over all the other things that happened to me. That means that I can get better. I can be well. All the thoughts that I used to have about not being able to get better, have all gone. Because now I realised after all this had happened, that I had got better, I had gone through so many things but I had survived. I had ended up happy, so that meant that with just a bit of love and determination, I could pretty much do anything.

**THE END**


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